Failure

A lot of challenges come at you in life, and then so does failure. Failure isn’t new to me. It’s a constant occurrence in my life. It’s a constant reminder that I have so much farther to go if I want to be where I want to be. I make excuses, I say “I’ll do better tomorrow”, and I consistently see myself failing. I am beginning to see it as a lesson revolving around one singular point. This lesson has impacted my entire life and it’s only through experiences and therapy that I’ve begun to understand this lesson and move forward.

Don’t be a fence rider. Let all your decisions lead to a yes or no. Don’t live your life procrastinating. Jump off the fence and start running. If you sit too long, you’ll just grow old without going anywhere.

That is honestly what I’ve learned. I know that I constantly struggle to get things done. I’ve really advanced in work, and done well there, but I’ve struggled to build meaningful personal relationships and I’ve gained an awful lot of fat. Living this way is not healthy, it’s not happy, and it isn’t good for us spiritually.

For a while now, that metaphorical fence has been a lot of things for me. It’s been:

  • Is God real? I constantly change my mind or try not to think about it. I always feel like I haven’t made my decision. I know Jesus said you can’t serve two masters, but I sure have been riding that fence for years.
  • Should I really eat that? I know I need more restraint. I need to have discipline. I always say “I’m going to get healthy and lose a bunch of weight,” and then I do the opposite. Sometimes I even think “if I just exercise a lot more, I could eat what I want and lose weight,” and I know that’s not true. If I’d get off the fence and dedicate myself to a good diet, I know I’d see results.
  • Do I believe in myself? This one’s a little more complicated. I say I believe in myself, and I exert confidence at times, but here I am single and just coming out of my shell after four years of focusing on my career. I know that, during those four years, I’d tell myself all the time that I was going to put in the work to keep my relationships going strong but I really didn’t. I just rode the fence long enough to alienate myself from all my childhood friends and never made new friends.

So now I rise to the challenge. I’ve heard it said before that half a battle is knowing what your fighting against, so I can hope that knowing my struggles will only catapult me to success. See you next post.

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